i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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