dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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