saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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