I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We are two peas in an std pod
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
