do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
