i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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