Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
