Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can you bring me the toilet please
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
