can u get pink eye on your cock?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There r osticjed everywhere
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
