Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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