false alarm. still invincible.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
