So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
