Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
