I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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