i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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