Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
