I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
