Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
