so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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