I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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