Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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