So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
