Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
