Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
