How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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