what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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