how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We're too hungover to prance.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
