dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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