i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize