I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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