Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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