Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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