So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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