I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
