If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
