Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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