I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
