Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
