I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and she was petting her beer can
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
