My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This house was built for laser tag.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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