it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
