Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
