I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
