Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
