fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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