Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
