i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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