No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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