Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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