i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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