Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
