note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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