I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
