First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
