lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
