he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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