I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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