he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
