just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
