I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
